The best one liners of Dilbert

A friend of mine had recently shared this with me.

Some of Dilbert's best one liners:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

2. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

3. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

4. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

5. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

6. Born free, taxed to death.

7. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

8. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

9. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

10. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

11. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

12. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

13. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

14. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

15. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

16. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

17. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

18. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

19. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

20. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers.

21. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

22. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

23. To Err is human; to forgive is not a Company policy.

24. The road to success...... Is always under construction.

25. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it ..

Censor Board for awareness

Few days ago I was having a conversation with my friends. And I made a remark that the govt's idea of placing a tobacco warning ad is not important in movies, in the way its being made, because it doesn't look good aesthetically. And to an extent the visual appeal can be lost as well. My friend's argument was these advertisements' are necessary as they are for awareness so that people would take care of themselves.

So this actually got me thinking. Does it actually change behavior of individuals? I don't know. But if that is the line of idea then I have many suggestion that the govt of India should do.

In all movies, they should put up a disclaimer that giving and taking bribe is a criminal offence, in the same way as they do for tobacco smoking! That will bring awareness regarding bribes.

All movies do take a certification in terms of the violence and parental guidance, which is fine, honestly its a good thing. But then if the censor board wants to take this influencing the people seriously then I believe they should also take some measure in the do the same for TV news channels. That would be essential, like a little disclaimer running under all News Anchor's who are over enthusiastic during debates. The disclaimer should be something on the lines stating: "He is shouting to gain TRPs, please read and understand the issue at discussion before forming your opinion."

In fact all TV news channels should state a disclaimer, and this should be stated by the person conducting the debate or reporter who is reporting, something on the lines 'Please read up on the issue before coming out with your opinion. We are merely trying to build your interest.' Or at least this should run as a ticker at the bottom!!

My view is that the best way of awareness is to make a sensible advertisement and playing it between breaks or before the actual commencement of the movie. An advertisement like this -- click here --could have more impact than putting up the disclaimers that they are doing as of now. If the idea is awareness then perhaps this is a better option. If the idea to actually lookout for the benefit of the people then the other way around it would be to increase the excise duty every year by 10 per cent and see the result at the end of five years.

As far as the news channels are concerned, I am pretty serious over there. They should run a disclaimer. If they can't keep up with journalism then they might rescue themselves with disclaimers.

'Ode to Nice Guys'

This is one of the best piece in my list of suggested essays' because its stereotypical. Before going further, let me set on record, my view on this article: "I don't agree with the logic of this essay." You will find my full view at the end of the essay. **

Ode to the Nice Guys 

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/ beautiful/ smart/ funny /sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003



**As I have stated at the beginning, I don't agree with the view of the author but its good dark humor.

The truth is most of the girls and guys end up finishing last, or lets say get treated harshly despite not deserving so. The biggest recent example would be the case of 'Amanda Todd'.  

So to say that only one gender or kind of human being always get the wrong end of the line, is a sign of "victim's mentality". It can happen to anyone irrespective of their gender, looks etc.

Now coming back to this essay "Ode to the Nice Guys". The reason I find it excellent or insightful is that it reflects a bias for those guys who are not interactive and they tend to live away from the limelight. Lack of skills in social interaction and with limited friend circle its difficult to get through to many people.

Who has not heard of Warren Buffet? If you haven't then search about him online.

In one of the articles that Warren Buffet has written "The super-investors of Graham-and-Doddsville", he has mentioned 10 names in it. All of these gentleman were students of Graham, same as Warren Buffett.

Now Buffett's went on telling about people making a case that he, Warren Buffett, is not the only one to have grown rich by investing (in a particular style). But if you try and search their photographs or media interaction or anything about them, you will not have similar success as in finding about Buffett.

One of the major difference between Buffett and other 10 students of Graham is that they have stayed away from limelight, from being popular. Being rich is contributory, another successful money manager is Peter Lynch (google him as well and there is plethora of article on this guy).

The differentiation between Buffett, Lynch and others equally successful but not so famous is the difference between how often they had been in media or communicating en-masse.

So my understanding is that these good guys and girls are shy, and sometimes they also have bad luck, doesn't mean they should consider themselves as 'Victims'. I was once told by one of elders in the family, 'In life every moment is unique, and as humans we will make mistakes. The important point is to learn from them and not repeating them and learning from them.'

Human beings greatest gift is that they can change and there is always someone kind enough to help you: family, friends, counselors, sometimes random strangers but don't take it for granted and don't expect them to be always there.